ani jokes

Break up jokes.

2012-02-16T03:26:00.000-08:00

Me and my girlfriend split up.

Its great being an amoeba.

Ranga De Basanti Cola

2012-01-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

I am a very big fan of Flipkart. Every third book I buy is from Flipkart. Today I came across a really awkward mistake of theirs. I was browsing through their hindi books collection and they have listed Bhism Sahni's "Rang de Basanti Chola" as "Ranga de Basanti Cola."

at: http://www.flipkart.com/author/bhishm-sahni

Its funny for some time but for fans of hindi like me, it hurts a little.

My first poem this year

2012-01-31T08:32:00.000-08:00

From http://createcremate.blogspot.in/2012/01/aapse-hamari-ye-shikayat-rahegi.html

आपसे हमारी ये शिकायत रहेगी

आप के बिना हर पल

अब न जीने लायक रहेगी.

यु ही मुस्कुरा कर छीन ली

आप ने हमारी आज़ादी

और यूँ ज़िन्दगी भर की सजा दी.

काश आप हम से मिले न होते

काश हम ये ज़िन्दगी अंजानो की तरह बिता देते

जी जाते हम एक फीकी ज़िन्दगी

और मालूम भी न पड़ता की ये ज़िन्दगी फीकी है.

The most romantic kiss

2012-01-26T08:54:00.000-08:00

Can anyone guess the movie from which it is taken?

Which is your favorite episode of South Park?

2012-01-26T08:09:00.000-08:00

Which is your favorite episode of South Park?

So far, this is my favorite episode.

Smiley for a broken heart

2012-01-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

My friend showed me a SMS from his girlfriend.

It read : <3.

He asked me its meaning.

I said its a smiley for a broken heart.

Update: His girlfriend broke up with him.

Facebook and the Birthday Cards industry.

2012-01-21T08:01:00.001-08:00

Facebook is killing the Birthday cards industry.

In the past two years, I have received only one birthday card.

And have sent none.

Facebook rocks.

Signs that the world is going to end in 2012

2012-01-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

I brought a tomato soup today. Its going to expire in December 2012.

Whatever. The world is going to end after that.

This is one of the many signs that the world is really going to end on that date.

What do all female Super heroes have in common?

2012-01-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

What do all female Super heroes have in common?

They all have big breasts.

Why superman wears underwear over his pant?

2012-01-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

From http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120110070444AAkMmRN

1: because they are lined with lead to protect him from kryptonite. If he wore them under his suit he would get lead poisoning.

2: his costume was based on circus strongmen which were regarded to have super human strength at that time.

3: He had an arm-wrestling match with Chuck Norris. The loser had to wear their underwear outside their outfit.

Why doesnt Batman smile?

2012-01-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

From: http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/answer?qid=20120109224022AAiYdTi

* he has to punch clowns for a living.

* He does when he is Bruce Wayne.

* Batman wearing mask on His Face.His Face Dose Not Lock Properly

* Batman doesn't smile, he glares when he's happy.

* Because he didnt fell in acid tank like the Joker.

Fun things to do at Comics Con

2012-01-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

1: Draw a comics. Remember that a comics is the only platform where fans can write better than the professionals. But be sure to write a stupid comics. Force everyone to read it.

2: If anyone comes dressed as Joker, try to take him down.

3: Ask for the names of people behind the scenes. Not the inker. Not the penciller. Not the artist. Neither the writer. Ask for the autographs of people with small roles like the man who staples the comics.

4: Ask the artists to pose for a photograph with you. When they agree, tell them that instead of a camera. you have hired a portrait artist. Beg them to pose with you for half an hour.

5: Take the comics of an unknown artist and ask everyone to give an autograph on it claiming that its their greatest work.

Fantastic four and HIMYM crossover fanfiction. Chapter 1

2012-01-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

It’s the year 2015. Marshall, Lily, Barney and Ted went on a picnic at moon. Robin couldn’t go at the last moment. Their aircraft crashed as a result of cosmic explosion. The exposure to cosmic rays gave them superpowers. The gang has just found out that they have got superpowers now. Robin is coming to see them in hospital.

{In Hospital}

Barney: “Why can’t I get a mirror here?”

Ted and Marshall’s eye meet. They couldn’t tell it to Barney. Could they?

Marshall:{excitedly} “We are the new fantastic four now. I am Mr Fantastic. Lily is the invisible woman.”

Robin: “And Ted is the Thing.” His laugh dies out as he looks at his hands.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

Ted: “Come on Barney. You are the strongest of us.”

Barney: “And when do I get to meet She-hulk? High Five Ted. Wait let me count. I am not sure if I have five fingers anymore. Why God Why? ”

{Enters Robin}

Ted: “What happened to your eyes?”

Robin: “Remember the accident? I couldn’t go to the moon because of that. And who the hell is he?”

Barney: “Hi.”

Marshall{Trying to cheer Barney up}: “Robin is Thing’s blind girlfriend Alicia.”

Robin: “I am not blind.”

Ted: “But she will marry the Human torch in the end.”

Robin: “What are you talking about?”

Ted: “Our spaceship met an accident. Now we have got superpowers. Like Fantastic Four.”

Robin: “Who the hell is fantastic four?”

Ted: “They are superheroes. Don’t you have comics in Canada?”

Robin: “Of course we have comics in Canada. Nelvana is the first Candian female Super hero. And the greatest of the superheroes is Captain Canada.”

The gang suppresses laughter. Robin notices that and starts speaking again nervously.

Robin: “And for your information, Wolverine is Canadian.”

Barney: “And where is Lily. I haven’t seen her for a while.”

Lily: “I am the invisible woman. Remember.” Lily makes herself visible as if she was waiting for someone to ask.

Marshall extends his hands and covers the naked body of Lily.

Marshall: “Put on some cloth darling.”

Lily: “Why can’t these clothes disappear and reappear with me?”

Barney: “You still have a great figure Lily. If I wasn’t the Thing, I would have massive erection by now.”

Lily{blushing} : “Thank you.”

Robin: “You mean to say that everyone except me has superpowers now.”

Ted: “Yeah. And I am the human torch. Flame on.”

Robin: “I should have been in that cosmic explosion. I am the toughest of you all.”

Ted: “But you couldn’t be a superhero. You are Canadian. Remember?”

WRITERS NOTE:

Enough Jokes. And these are not even funny. So let’s meet tomorrow and see how the gang rises to the occasion to face the Galactus.

The birth of Erection man

2012-01-09T05:58:00.000-08:00

Fun things to do when you are an unlicensed private detective

2011-12-30T06:29:00.000-08:00

1: Convince women that their husband is cheating on them. Don't worry that you are spoiling a marriage. All husband cheat. Only some get caught. Also, moonlight as a divorce attorney.

2: Chose the fattest of your friend and inspire him to create a superhero. Say something like "Super Ray". Have fun.

3: Offer free services to friends and family. Gather dark secrets about them. Force them to do your domestic chores later.

4: Watch 'Bored to Death'. And then start writing a book. Advertise on Craigslist that you are a part time writer.

5: Call yourself '700'.

6: Hire a fat secretary and ridicule her. Force her to loose weight. Call her Moneypenny when she becomes attractive.

5:

Indian comics are more influenced by DC than Marvel Comics.

2011-12-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

We often complain that Bollywood copies blindly from Hollywood. There are movies like 'Khalnayika' which have copied Hollywood movies scene by scene. The same can be said about Indian comics which have copied extensively from western comics and even Hollywood. In my last post, I had written about similarities between Super Commando Dhruva and Batman. And then it hit me. Indian comics are more influenced by DC than Marvel Comics. Raj Comics is now RC. Huh.

Look at the list of Marvel's main characters. Spiderman. Fantastic Four. Incredible Hulk. Wolverine. Captain America{ Tiranga resembles him to some extent. But while Captain America headed Team avengers, Tiranga couldnt even get an extra role in Brahmand Rakshak.}, Ironman and others.

And coming to DC characters. Batman. Superman. {Nagraj's alter ego as Raj reminds you of Superman's alter ego.} Just like batman and superman, Nargaj and Dhruva are the flagship characters of Raj comics. I am only talking about Raj Comics here as for people born in the eighties and nineties, Indian Comics is Raj Comics. Nowadays, there are many players in the comics business. But they are writing graphic novels. Not comics.

Now I leave it up to you to decide the origin of these characters.

1: Parmanu.

2: Inspector Steel

3: Kobi and Bheria{ the anger factor}

4: Tiranga

5: Anthony

and almost every character you can think of.

Create Avatar - South Park Studios

2011-12-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

Create Avatar - South Park Studios:

'via Blog this'

Batman versus Super Commando Dhruva

2011-12-27T08:02:00.000-08:00

Anupam Sinha {who can be called the God father of Indian Comics} created SCD. It has long been said that he modeled the character of Dhruva on batman. I agree that there are many similarities. Utility belt, dead parents, no superpowers to say a few. But there are differences too. SCD has no alter ego. SCD has a superpower to breathe in water. There is no Robin, a sidekick. SCD has Commando force with him. There is no bat signal. And Dhruva doesnt has a themed bike. And he has a Star helicopter. Anupam jee has never explained how he got the funds to do so. Unlike Bruce Wayne, he didnt inherit a fortune.And Dhruva is not a casanova like Bruce Wayne. But that's because of cultural differences. Indian society is not ready for an immoral hero. Fighter toads are the only superheroes which are allowed to be romeo. And that too because its a comedy series. And the most important difference is that SCD has'nt been adapted in a movie.

One of Dhruva's villain 'Vishushak' is loosely inspired by "Joker'. But thats another point as the character nearest to Joker in Indian comics is Kal Pahelia. Another ridiculous character is Black cat. You may remember catwoman from batman. Sinha didnt explore explore Black cat's character much unlike Catwoman even playing the love interest of batman.

But Sinha isnt an copycat {pun intended}. He gave Indian comics a shape and most importantly he gave many like me a memorable childhood. I read batman comics in my twenties. And that too only because Sinha kept my interest alive in comics.

The best of Kevin Smith

2011-12-18T08:35:00.000-08:00

And you must have seen 'clerks'. So I am leaving that out.

McDonald : Damn Cold

2011-12-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

has anyone else noticed that the anagram for Mcdonald is 'damn cold?'

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

2011-12-11T02:57:00.000-08:00

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex:

'via Blog this'

This is the one of the weirdest thing I have ever read.

My first story this year: Tale of two sisters

2011-12-11T02:55:00.000-08:00

From http://wowweirdestlovestories.blogspot.com/2011/12/tale-of-two-sisters.html

Malti looked at herself in the mirror once again. She was not satisfied with the result. She hated the yellow metal and here she was wearing half a kilo of it. There was an ornament at every possible place. She remembered how her mom had freaked out when she had seen her piercing. She let out a sigh. Parents are so hypocritical and critical at the same time. Nothing which you enjoy doing can find approval with your parents. And nothing they approve of is interesting. Malti remembered the promises which her ex boyfriend had made. They all turned out to be lies. But there was one truth she had to accept. It was no longer college. Guys no longer lined outside her window. Now a beggar used to sit there. Whenever Malti passed he repeated his catch phrase ‘Aunty jee. Please give money to a hungry beggar.’ Aunty jee never gave him any. After being single for one whole year Malti didn’t said ‘No’ when her mom showed her a prospective groom picture. Malti neither said ‘yes’. But that silence was enough. Phone calls were made and the date was finalised within a week. Everyone feared that Malti would change her mind. The groom was an IITian and like all the IITian’s he was writing a novel. He emailed Malti the first chapter of his novel. Malti couldn’t even read after the first two lines. Her ex boyfriend was better at writing. He wrote love letters which ran several pages and Malti used to read them over and over again. He should have been a writer. But he was no IITian. Malti’s entire life was flashing before her eyes. That happens only two times in your life. The time when you get married and the time you die. Why did Aryan leave her? Malti still hadn’t found the answer to that question. They never had an official breakup. They just stopped talking. Having a proper closure is very essential to move on. Malti looked at the picture of her to be husband on her cell phone. He was an average guy. Malti had talked with him once on the mobile phone. He sounded like a virgin. Malti’s sixth sense always told her about the sexual history of a boy. It was like a God gift to her. The other gifts were fading with age. Why can’t a girl be single in her thirties? It was the last hour of Malti’s single life and like all the brides she was freaking out. “Arranged marriage is not a bad thing.” She said to herself. “My parent’s marriage was arranged. They are living happily till now.” Malti tried her best to convince herself that she was not jumping in a blind well.

She could feel hear her heartbeat. “Do all girls feel nervous when they get married?” She asked herself another question.

“What’s taking so long?” Her excited sister asked from outside. There is nothing as exciting as an Indian marriage. There are relatives you only see at marriages or funerals. At funerals there are a lot of constraints. Weddings are the perfect time to meet people. And flirt.

“Two minutes.’ Malti replied.

“Are you making Maggi in there?” The moment Malto said ‘two minutes’ she knew her sister would make a ‘Maggi’ joke.

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Malti said and pulled out a Cadbury Temptation from her purse. She was forced to fast as the other Indian brides. Malti could not stay hungry for long. She was not a foodoholic. On the contrary she was on a diet. She just couldn’t stay hungry. And since she was fasting that day she didn’t need to count the calories.

Malti’s cell started ringing. She hated to receive call in the bathroom. And the call interrupted her Cadbury fest. Malti hated being interrupted while eating. She gave an angry look at her cell phone and if she had a superpower she would have literally burned the caller to ashes who had dared to disturb her. The number which flashed on the mobile screen was unknown yet familiar. ‘Yes.’ She had deleted that number when she had broken up with Aryan. Should she take the call? She asked herself. The ringtone died. Malti was about to switch of her phone when it started ringing again. Malti felt as if she had a time bomb in her hand. She made her mind and received the call.

“Hello?” She said in a hurry. She also thanked God that she was in the bathroom when Aryan called her. Otherwise everyone would make a big fuss out of it.

“I need to tell you something.” Aryan said from the other end.

“I know what you are about to say. I know that you love me and you want me back. But it’s too late Aryan. I am marrying someone else.” It somehow comforted Malti that Aryan had called. She had cried herself to sleep yesterday because of his indifference. Malti had still got it. Was she making a mistake by marrying a geek?

“I just returned from the doctor.” Aryan said in a voice which is common to all people giving bad news. Malti didn’t noticed it.

“Listen I have to go.” Malti was already late and she could hear her mom shouting about something. She knew her mom was having an anxiety attack. She used to freak out while hosting kitty parties. This was her first daughter’s marriage. Malti felt sorry and happy for her mom at the same time.

“I have Aids. I think you should get yourself checked too before you marry and ruin an innocent person’s life.” Aryan dropped the bomb on her.

“What?”

“I am sorry.” Aryan said.

“You are sorry? You ruined my life.” Malti shouted.

“Is everything okay?” Her sister asked with concern from outside.

“Are you going to come out? Everyone is waiting for you.” She whispered again.

The call was disconnected. Malti collapsed on the ground. She didn’t care that the tears ruined her makeup. She didn’t care that her wedding dress was getting wrinkled. Her world was finished. There was a mild earthquake two days ago. She hoped that the earthquake struck again and killed only her and Aryan. ‘No. Aryan doesn’t deserve to die with me. He is a jerk. Let him be killed in a road accident. He drives recklessly too. That would not look suspicious at all.’ She made her pact with God.

“I am coming in.” Her sister Ananya said. Before Malti could say anything, Ananya was in. She saw Malti’s state and bolted the gate from inside.

“What the hell is going on?” Ananya sat on the ground with her.

“I think I have Aids.” Malti continued sobbing.

“What? Don’t be stupid.” Ananya wiped her tears.

“Aryan just called. He has Aids.”

“But you broke up with him eighteen months ago.”

“On 18^th June.” Malti sobbed.

“I didn’t ask the date.” Ananya said.

“Why should I do?” Malti asked her younger sister for advice.

“Listen. We will talk about this later. There are people waiting for you. Get ready. Wipe your tears. We will talk about this later.”

“Why not now? I can’t marry anyone without knowing that I am HIV negative or not.”

“I know you are right and I respect your feelings. But there is nothing we can do right now.”

“You are studying medicine. Can’t you do a home test on me?” Malti’ tears stopped for a second.

“No. I can’t.”

“But we can do pregnancy tests at home. I even brought a kit when I was dating Aryan. That thing really works.” Malti continued crying. She knew if she would stop crying Ananya would not take her seriously.

“Stop freaking out Malti. You will ruin the dress.”

“I will kill myself Ananya. I will commit suicide. I can’t give Aids to my husband as a wedding present.”

“Okay. I will get you checked.”

“Tell Daddy to postpone the wedding. I can’t make a decision until I get the test results.”Ananya had made a decision.

“Why the hell will I have to tell daddy? You tell him.” Ananya shrugged her shoulders.

“Have you forgotten everything I have done for you my little sister? Who made you laugh when you had your first periods? Who helped you do your homework? Who downloaded the Barbie movies for you?” Malti tried emotional blackmail.

“I hated the Barbie movies.”

“And you hated Shrek too?”

“Who hates Shrek?”

“That’s my point.” Malti said.

“What’s your point?” Ananya asked in a confused voice.

“I have been a good elder sister and have been there for you whenever you needed me. Now that I need you, how can you say no to me?” Malti knew she had proven her point.

“Don’t be silly. It takes five minutes for an Aids test. Let me get your blood sample. There is a lab down the road. The lab assistant has a crush on me. He waits half an hour daily on the road to say Good morning to me. I will get the result even before you can wash your face and come out of the bathroom.”

“I think I know him. He is so cute and adorable. Why don’t you go out with him? He is much better than the jerk you are dating.” Malti said in an elder sister voice.

“That lab assistant. He is an ogre. Why don’t you go out with him? Oh wait. You are getting married.”

“I am not getting married.”

“Give me five minutes. I will be back.”

“Where are you going?”

“To arrange for your Aids check up.”

“Thank you.”

{After five minutes}

“What’s that injection for?” Malti screamed.

“I need your blood sample.” Ananya said.

“Can’t you do it with semen?”

“Really? Semen? You want to do it or not?” Ananya brought the injection nearer.

“I had read somewhere that Aids spreads by exchange of bodily fluids. Can’t you take my spit or sweat as a sample?” Malti begged as if Ananya could change the medical laws for her.

“It won’t hurt. I promise. Why are you so afraid of the syringe? You are a big girl now. Close your eyes you won’t even feel it.”

“I am a big girl now. Don’t try to fool me. I know that the injection would hurt. And where is your lab assistant?”

“I couldn’t bring him in the bathroom. I will take your blood sample.” Ananya smiled.

“You? Really? Are you trying to kill me? I am not your lab mouse that you can experiment on me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever taken a blood sample before?”

“I have seen people take it.”

“You are a first year medical student. I won’t let you poke me with that thing. I can die.”

“I am the only choice you have got.”

“No. I can tell dad and he would get me checked in a hospital with real doctors.”

“Fine. Go and tell him.”

“I will.”

“Then go.”

“I am going.”

“You are still standing at the same spot.”

“Please don’t make it hurt.”

“What?”

“I believe in you. You are my younger sister. Take my blood sample.”

Ananya took the sample and was about to walk out of the room when Malti caught her shoulders.

“I am so proud of you. You will be a great doctor.”

“Thanks didi.” Ananya blushed.

“That injection didn’t hurt at all.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You are very good. When you become a real doctor try to find a cure for Aids.”

“I will. But don’t worry. You don’t have Aids.” Ananya convinced her.

“When will you return?”

“The earliest I can.”

Ananya opened the door. Her mom and some fat aunties were there.

“What were you two doing inside?” Her mom enquired.

And one of the aunties noticed the wrinkles in Malti’s wedding dress. Another one spotted a soap mark. They all freaked out.

“The priest is calling the bride.” A small girl came running and announced to cause panic to the already panicked crowd. It was the height of chaos. Malti’s mom fainted.

“We have very less time. Let’s see what we can do.” One of the fattest aunties took control of the situation. Malti signalled Ananya to sneak out and get the sample checked at the earliest.

“And where the hell are you leaving? It’s your sister marriage. At least give a hand.” One of the aunties shouted at Ananya who ignored her and ran out of the room.

“Look at these modern girls. They won’t listen to anyone. I bet there was some chakkar going on in the bathroom.” One of the aunties remarked. She just had found enough material for one month’s gossip.

“Thats why I never sent my daughter to college.” One of the other aunties remarked. Though she never got the appreciation from the crowd that she thought she deserved.

{At the mandap}

Malti was being dragged to the mandap. She tried to find Ananya but Ananya had not yet returned from the lab. Malti couldn’t hear her heartbeat. Has her heart stopped beating? Was she going to have a heart attack? At least that would be better than going through this.

“Is anything wrong beta?” Her future mother in law asked.

“Nothing?” Malti told a white lie. Even a blind I mean one eyed man could tell that something was disturbing her.

The priest began with the rituals.

“Where is Ananya?” Malti asked.

“She was here.” Her dad said. He was so preoccupied with the marriage proceedings that he hadn’t noticed that her younger daughter was not there. But who could blame him? Malti’s mother and Ananya were responsible for entertaining the women. If Ananya was not here she must have been somewhere else doing something of importance. A wedding is a team effort.

“Ananya is her younger sister.” One of the aunties explained it to Malti’s to-be mother in law.

“I can’t get married without Ananya. We had dreamed of this day since we were kids.” Malti had found the perfect excuse to buy some more time. For a moment she thought of telling about the Aids fiasco to her dad. But she was on mandap. The whole world would know. She decided to wait till Ananya came with the result. There was no point telling everyone of her past sins if she was HIV negative.

“Carry on beta. She will come ....”

“No. Mom. I won’t continue with the marriage ceremony until my younger sister is here.” Malti said in a strict voice. She knew it was her only chance.

“I had seen Ananya go out of the house.” One of the aunts said.

“Yeah. I saw Ananya didi walking down the road.” Another kid added to the information.

Malti’s heart sank. What if they find Ananya before she could get the result.

“Where did you saw Ananya? Can you take us there?” Ananya’s dad asked. The kid’s mother looker at her son as if he was a superhero destined to save the world.

“I can.” Said the kid as he finished his ice cream cone in hurry.

Malti’s dad and two other uncles followed the kid.

“Is everything Okay?” The IITian groom spoke for the first time.

“Yes. Everything is okay.” Malti said in an ‘I don’t want to talk with you right now’ voice.

“You love your younger sister very much. Don’t you?” The IITian continued talking. Obviously he hadn’t decoded Malti’s hidden message. Of course he was an IITian. He knew everything except communication skills.

“Yes. I love her.”

“I have a younger sister. I love her. You will like her too. She is very cute. Just like you.” The IITian flirted with his to be bride.

“I have talked with her on phone. She sounded nice.” Malti continued talking because she couldn’t think of anything else to do in that awkward moment. Seeing her talk with groom silenced many of the gossip mongers who were already betting whether Malti would run from the mandap or not.

“Do you want to go abroad?” The IITian asked without context.

“Why would you ask that?” Malti asked. It has always been her dream to go to Switzerland. All her favourite movies were shot in Switzerland.

“I have a job offer in France.” He announced proudly.

“I would love to live in Paris.” Malti changed her mind. Paris too was a good place. Certainly it was no Switzerland but it was Paris.

“Paris it is.” The IITian made the decision. The first joint decision as a married couple. The IITian didn’t knew that he had just won the heart of a beautiful Indian girl. Malti had fallen in love with him (or the idea of living in Paris). Malti’s doubts were cleared. She wanted to marry this IITian. She wanted to live in Paris. She wanted to be HIV negative. She prayed to God.

Malti felt the mobile phone vibrate in her hand. There was a SMS from Ananya. May be God hs heard her prayer. Malti prayed again and read the SMS.

“YOU ARE HIV NEGATIVE. HURRAY. I AM COMING IN FIVE MINUTES”

The world was a beautiful place again. Malti heard her heartbeat once again. She looked at the groom. He looked handsome. He was certainly good looking and he was a virgin. Malti thanked God.

“PARIS HERE I COME.”

Ananya came in after five minutes and the wedding ceremony resumed.

{One week later}

Ananya was going to her college. It was raining since morning and she was half an hour late.

“Good morning.” She heard a familiar voice from behind.

“Good morning.” She turned. She didn’t even know his name. He was all wet and the rain water was dripping down his body. He handed Ananya a piece of paper which he somehow had managed to keep dry.

“Here is the report of the blood sample you gave me. It is HIV negative.”

“Thank God. Thank you. What are you doing this evening?” Ananya said and caught his hand.

if how i met your mother was made by ekta kapoor

2011-12-11T02:37:00.000-08:00

if how i met your mother was made by ekta kapoor :

It is going to be legend... Wait for it... After the commercial break... dary.

Marshalls father would have been killed much earlier so that his mother could play evil mother in law.

The sitcom would be named 'kaun hai mere bacho ki amma'.

What more?

Fun things to do when your girlfriend drags you to go shopping with her

2011-11-30T06:09:00.000-08:00

It you do two or more of these fun things correctly, you wont have to go shopping ever again against your wish.

1: After she has tried the dress in the changing room, shout that there is a hidden camera. Emerge as a natural leader and ensures that you tell everyone about the hidden camera. Be as theatrical as you can.
P.S : Be careful to ensure that there is no hidden camera otherwise you will become a hero and will have to accompany her everywhere to protect her from evil eyes.

2: Take her to the restaurant and ask the waiter for the cheapest thing on menu. Don't let her buy mineral water. Try to convince her that tap water and mineral water are the same. Act as if you are prepared to die for your belief in tap water.

3: Chose the costliest watch and hint her that you want the watch for your birthday. Act very exicted.

4: Beg everyone for additional discount. Dont overdo this or you will gain an reputation of an effective bargainer.

5: The most effective one: Try to convince her that making out in public places is very romantic. Whenever you get a quiet corner try to reenact a scene from a movie you intentionally showed her the day before.
P.S: If your girlfriend loves it, SHE IS A KEEPER.

6: Flirt with the salesgirls. Again dont overdo this.

7: Sit in the complimentary wi fi zone and refuse to get up.

BE CREATIVE.

If alpha and Gamma got married...

2011-11-30T05:38:00.000-08:00

Q: If Alpha and gamma got married, what would you call their son?

a: Beta.

Janice and Oh my God

2011-11-30T05:01:00.000-08:00

From : https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chandler-is-a-human-bing/176568342404697

if janice were mineral wht would she be?

Magnesium oxide.

Omg

The incredible Hulk and Rachel Green

2011-11-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

From my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chandler-is-a-human-bing/176568342404697

The incredible hulk will love to go on a date with which friend?

Rachel Green.

P.S : Ross was the General in the Air Force who was in charge of Bruce Banner's gamma bomb project.

Deepika Padukone and bad luck

2011-11-26T02:43:00.000-08:00

I received one SMS yesterday.

"Deepika went to Yuvraj - his form dropped.
She went to Ranbir - his movies flopped.
She went to Mallyas & their Airlines stopped."

What the heck?

I saw her movie yesterday. And nothing happened to me.

Should Kunal Nayyar stop playing Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali in the Big bang theory?

2011-11-26T02:38:00.000-08:00

Indian actors should outrightly refuse to play such stereotypical roles. It is not like they won’t get other roles to play.

Nanowrimo

2011-11-26T02:23:00.000-08:00

From : http://ywp.nanowrimo.org/what-is-nanowrimo

What is NaNoWriMo?

National Novel Writing Month happens every November! It's a fun, seat-of-your-pants writing event where the challenge is to complete an entire novel in just 30 days. For one month, you get to lock away your inner editor, let your imagination take over, and just create!

That means participants begin writing November 1 and must finish by midnight, November 30. The word-count goal for our adult program is 50,000 words, but the Young Writers Program (YWP) allows 17-and-under participants to set reasonable, yet challenging, individual word-count goals.

The great news is I completed my novel today. 63000 words in 26 days. Yay.

Lets see if I can find a publisher.

Apart from Richard, did anyone in FRIENDS had a mousetach?

2011-11-26T01:37:00.000-08:00

Question: Apart from Richard, did anyone in FRIENDS had a mousetach?

Answer:

1: Rachel! In Vegas!

2:  It s young Ross!!!

3:  ross and monicas aunt Silvia

4:  mr treeger

Can you think of some more?

How to get rid of your facebook addiction?

2011-11-24T03:07:00.000-08:00

1: Click on every link you can. Soon your account will get hacked and pornographic materials will be posted on your friends wall with you credentials. That will compel you to stay away from facebook.

2: Create very long and difficult to remember passwords. Like 'as%78Ut&GGu%^i.' Change the passwords daily. When you cant login, QUIT.

3: Add everyone in your family esp your mom and dad. Soon you will find enough reasons not to login.

4: Try reading anijokes regularly. Its more addictive than facebook.

Tsutomu Yamaguchi: BBC's unluckiest man in the world

2011-11-24T02:47:00.001-08:00

From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsutomu_Yamaguchi

A resident of Nagasaki, Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on business for his employer Mitsubishi Heavy Industries when the city was bombed at 8:15am on August 6, 1945. The following day he returned to Nagasaki and, despite his wounds, returned to work on August 9, the day of the second atomic bombing. In 1957 he was recognized as a hibakusha(explosion-affected person) of the Nagasaki bombing, but it was not until March 24, 2009 that the government of Japan officially recognised his presence in Hiroshima three days earlier. He died of stomach cancer on January 4, 2010.

On December 17, 2010, the BBC featured Yamaguchi in its comedy program QI, referring to him as "The Unluckiest Man in the World."^[16] Stephen Fry, the host of QI, and celebrity guests drew laughter from some members of the audience in a segment that included examples of black humor such as asking if the bomb had “landed on him and bounced off."^[17] A clip from the episode was uploaded by the BBC after the show as The Unluckiest Man in the World – QI Series 8 Ep 13 Holidays Preview – BBC One on YouTube, but was later deleted. A BBC spokesperson told Kyodo News that "We instructed our crew to delete the file since we have already issued a statement that the content was not appropriate."^[18]

From: http://sungypsy.wordpress.com/tag/tsutomu-yamaguchi/

When I say this, I am not suggesting that atomic attacks are funny or the loss of life in both cities was in anyway a laughing matter. But, I’m sorry, it IS funny that there existed a man who managed to crawl out of the wreckage of the Hiroshima attack, by all account quite badly burnt; take a train home to Nagasaki(leading some to suggest the real target of the humour was Britain’s rail network) only to be bombed again a few days later.

Batman and Robin? Was there a gay chemystery?

2011-11-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

Read this article:

http://www.thetoyzone.com/2008/the-truth-about-batman-and-his-tight-leather-suit/

The most famous pic which is often cited to prove it is this:

It is up to you to decide whether batman and robin are sharing the same bed or its two different beds?

FRIENDS AND SUPERPOWERS

2011-11-22T23:35:00.001-08:00

If Ross,Rachel,Monica,Chandler,Phoebe and Joey accidentally got superpowers, what would they be called?

FANTASTIC SIX.

you know you were born in nineties if...

2011-11-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

you know you are born in the nineties if.....

You are twenty to thirty years old.

fun things to do when your facebook account is not hacked

2011-11-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

1); post offensive material on your boss profile. Claim that your account was hacked.

2); create a fake profile and click on every link you can. Post the suspicious links on your friends wall.

3); keep a copy of 'dummy guide to hack facebook' everywhere you go. Be clear to make them visible to people who are your friends on facebook. Then send them an innocent link and insist that they click on it.

The mantra of hacking: is your account hacked? If not click on the link i send you.

fun things to do at ramoji film city,hyderabad

2011-11-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

1); declare that you would not stick the pink ramoji sticker on your shirt. Ridicule anyone who sticks it.

2); try to convince people that you are a hollywood celebrity.

3); take photograph of strangers. And then try to sell them.

4); try to convince a young girl that you are a director and you want to sign her for your next movie.

5); there are some staff members at ramoji whose job is to discourage people from seeing the star attractions. they will try to convince you that there is a lot of waiting time and you should come later. Whoever says that to you, record his voice and post on youtube. Ask for vip entry in order to delete the video.

6); have fun.

How I met your mother: Secret revealed

2011-11-04T01:27:00.000-07:00

Finally a funny picture on facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.436952062942.234377.785777942&type=3#!/photo.php?fbid=2242244814715&set=a.1135801554325.2021568.1205932969&type=1&theater

Priyanka Chopra's superhero connection

2011-10-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

IT LOOKS AS IF PRIYANKA CHOPRA HAS A SECRET FAN.

Priyanka Chopra as pin-up inspiration? - The Times of India: ""Honestly, I never took the face reference from Priyanka Chopra, It's a coincidence and I think it's mostly after the colouring happened. I mostly study from Brazilian, Italian and Spanish faces for girls.""

'via Blog this'

"Fox Cancel 'The Simpons?' That's Unpossible!"

2011-10-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

"Fox Cancel 'The Simpons?' That's Unpossible!": "I realize that this sentimental/honorary argument doesn’t hold up against cold hard cash, but The Simpsons is a television institution. You can say what you want about the quality of the show in the last decade or so, but, even at its worst, The Simpsons is still a tradition. It’s one of the first shows to be renewed every year, sometimes even before the first round of freshman cancellations.
"

'via Blog this'

Barney's Blog: DUCK YOU, MARSHALL ERIKSEN - How I Met Your Mother - CBS.com

2011-10-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

Hope Ross Geller never reads Barney's blog.

Barney's Blog: DUCK YOU, MARSHALL ERIKSEN - How I Met Your Mother - CBS.com:

'via Blog this'

mistakes and management

2011-10-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

to err is human, to punish is management.

Superman fan has cosmetic surgery: Herbert Chavez has ops to look like hero | Mail Online

2011-10-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

He should have at least joined a gym.

Superman fan has cosmetic surgery: Herbert Chavez has ops to look like hero | Mail Online:

'via Blog this'

Fun things to do when you go to see WWE

2011-10-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

1: Take a flashlight with you. When Undertaker is about to make an entry and the lights go out, light your flash light.

2: Ask Miachel Cole for an autograph. When he gives it to you, roll it and throw it away. Make sure that he sees you throwing.

3: Proclaim your gay love for C M Punk. Carry a poster having graphic details and Shout: "Punk. Hit me Go to sleep."

4: Go dressed as Sandman and spit beer on the fans.

5: Get a front row seat. Pretend to get a heart attack when you see blood.

6: Have a seat next to a kid. Try to convince him that you are Rey Mysterio. Escape to bathroom when Rey is about to make an entrance. Tell the boy later that it was a great fight.

7: Shout 69. Later say 619 and act embarrased.

Comedy Circus and Archana Puran Singh

2011-10-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

I turned on Comedy Circus today. Heard the famous Archana's laugh. It reminded me of an episode I saw years ago in Ramanand Sagar's 'Krishna'. Putna's laugh was almost the same.

And Navjot Singh Sidhu should have copyrighted his laugh.

skinny jennifer aniston versus skinny angelina jolie

2011-10-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

i was at :
http://www.freakingnews.com/skinny-Angelina-Jolie-Pics-25859.asp

and
http://www.freakingnews.com/Skinny-Jennifer-Aniston-Pictures-25831.asp

look at these two pictures:

some fun things to do when zombies try to eat you

2011-10-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

1: vomit on yourself. they will be disgusted and leave you.

2: post on facebook.

3: mimic the zombies.

4: bite them in the neck to see if they turn back into human.

5: kiss a female zombie.

6: lie still and pretend that you are a statue.

7: distract the zombies by showing them a funny youtube video

2012 AND TWITTER

2011-10-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

they say that the world will end in 2012 because mayan's calendar didnt had a entry after that. Twitter does not allow after 140th character. Does that mean that the children of twitter users wont be able to write essays more than 140 characters.

Kisses and Caroms: Movie review

2011-10-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381341/

This movie was clearly made by a Kevin Smith fan.

Threesome from Chasing Amy.

The movie was shot in clerks style.

There was even a fake silent jay/bob as a pizza delivery boy.

Final word: Dont see it. Watch Clerks or Mallrats again.

Fun things to do in a mela

2011-10-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

1: Pretend that you have lost your wife. Try to look very happy about it.

2: Scream that you have lost your gold watch.

3: The always funny: 'There is a bomb.' Even a snake scare would be nice.

4:Buy three balloons. Then sit in a corner near the vendor and start selling the balloons at a discounted rate.

5: Pretend that a fashion show is going on. Carry score cards. Rate every woman who passes by you. Give more points to fatter ones.

6: Take a camera and a mike and interview people about their experience. Pretend to be from a local TV channel.

the weirdest teen love stories: my girlfriend cant be pregnant

2011-10-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

the weirdest teen love stories: my girlfriend cant be pregnant:

'via Blog this'

Erection man: A new superhero

2011-10-03T04:33:00.000-07:00

Erection man : A new superhero

2011-10-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

From:

http://erectionmanthenewsuperhero.blogspot.com/2011/09/erection-man-first-appearance.html

difference between friendship day and valentines day

2011-08-07T01:49:00.000-07:00

on friendship day you can actually say : 'luv u all'

Height of breaking news

2011-08-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

See this picture:

http://www.thefunnybox.com/2010/11/26/hmm-cameraman/

Its simple to create a new super hero.

2011-07-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

From http://marvel.com/games/play/31/create_your_own_superhero

Try it.

The funniest facebook pages. Part 1

2011-07-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of the some of the funny pages on facebook. Enjoy.

You can find them at:
http://facebook.com/anisenior

I Wish I Could See The Face Of The Black Lady In Tom And Jerry,

put a shirt on, it's not that hot and neither are you.

THATS IT!!!...IM going to study..........wait.....Look! A New notification!,

Bad breakup? There's a Taylor Swift song for that.,

Music is my Drug, Youtube is my Dealer

You walk into class late and everyone stares at Yew like you killed someone,

Save the bed, Sleep in my arms,

So many empty seats on this train/bus, WHY Do You HAVE to SIT NEXT to ME?,

When I play fighting games I press random buttons and hope for the best,

I Swear My Pillow is hairstylist , i Always wake up with new hairstyle",

Shiiit look who's online LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT,

"Did You Get A Haircut?" "No It Grew Shorter" :O,

I Am Always Tired Because I Become a Superhero at Night

Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.,

The guy who discovered milk What was he doing with that cow?,

I love it when someones laugh is funnier than the joke.,

A true friend is someone you can call at 3am to help you bury a dead body,

Hey Google, why don't you sit next to me during my exam O_O,

If I could punch you without getting in trouble, believe me, i would,

I dont have bad handwriting. I have my own Font.,

If Harry Potter is so magical then why can't he fix his eye sight?and 88 more

Super market fun

2011-07-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried entering a super market through the door marked 'EXIT'?

Its lot harder that you think.

Some excuses you may try:

* I cant turn behind.

* Is it because I am black?

* I am Jim Carrey. Try to convince the guard.

* Today is 'do the opposite' day. Encourage other people to celebrate too.

* The security guard on the entry gate violated me when I was a kid. I cant go through that.

Chandler begging Janice to leave

2011-07-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

The master at work.
The easiest way to embarass your girlfriend in public.

babies in friends: the best sitcom ever aired

2011-07-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

there were all types of babies in friends. Triplets, twins, adopted babies and the normal ones and joey.

what will you call someone who pees while sleeping?

2011-07-02T22:07:00.001-07:00

what will you call it if someone pees while sleeping?
Sleepeeing.

marriage ani versary

2011-06-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is my marriage aniversary. You are all invited. Even if you cant make it, do send the gift.

P.S : gift cards of all types are accepted.

30 rock's Friends connection

2011-06-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

chandler, ross and rachel have made guest appearances in 30 rock. Three more and we would have another show with the cast of friends.

P.S: alec baldwin guest starred in friends.

Disvantages of an open mind

2011-06-28T10:10:00.001-07:00

The problem with an open mind is that anything can fall in it.

bollywood movie review : double dhamaal

2011-06-25T03:04:00.000-07:00

in the end the four jokers warned us about dhamaal 3. Thank god the world is going to end in 2012.

And i am sorry. The movie was so unfunny that i couldnt even write a joke about it.

funny or die

2011-06-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

my friends ghost haunted me today. My mistake.yesterday i had send him a link www.funnyordie.comma

Everything you could never know about sitcoms. Part 1: Some words I learnt from watching sitcoms

2011-06-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

1: HIMYM : Dopplegangers
2: The League: Eskimo brothers
3: Scrubs: Scrubs
4: Two and a half men: Alimony
5: Hope and faith: Nothing to learn. It was a shit-com not a sitcom.
6: Friends: Lobsters
7: my name is earl: karma

beware of girls. Tip no 1

2011-06-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

never date a girl during exams. She would sure be cheating.

Indian English fiction and IIT

2011-06-16T07:07:00.001-07:00

I am thinking of writing a novel. Guess I should take admission in IIT.

how did a dog introduced his girlfriend to salman khan after seeing ready?

2011-06-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

'main kutta hu. ye kutiya hai.'

note to asin: its a sin to be a part of such pick up lines.

bollywood movie review: ready

2011-06-04T08:35:00.000-07:00

this movie promotes cosmopolitans sex position of the day.

dhink chika, dhinka chaika
re ae ae
ae ae ae

bara mahine mein
bara tarike se
tujhko pyar jataonga re <(-_-)>

cheesy pickup lines :8

2011-06-03T07:32:00.002-07:00

your eyes are the second best pair of your body.

cheesy pickup lines :8

2011-06-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

your eyes are the second best pair of your body.

barney stinson joke

2011-05-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

what did barney said when he met a girl who worked at a dairy farm?

its going to be legend ---wait for it--- dairy..

fun things to do on facebook: part 2

2011-05-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

* send weird messages to people. claim later that your account was hacked.

* advertise for some non existent product say 'beauty baby soap'

fun things to do on facebook

2011-05-27T09:56:00.001-07:00

* send friend request to strangers. after they add you, ask them: who the hell are you.

*write something irrevelant on your wall every two minutes. when asked say that am building the great wall of china.

*write something on your friends wall and delete it before he can read it. repeat it as many times as you can.

*create a group. fight with people who havent joined. force them to join the group. dont forget to warn them about the consequences of not joining.

fun things to do on facebook

2011-05-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

sorry for the small and irregular posts

2011-05-24T07:16:00.001-07:00

my laptop is not working. hence i have posting entries via my mobile.

thats why i am writing only oneliners.

hope my billions of fans would bear with me

cheesy pick up line

2011-05-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

one more:

you are my thums up. i will jump from a mountain for you.

the truth about wall : facebook

2011-05-24T03:41:00.000-07:00

whenever there is a wall, there is an idiot pissing on it.

romantic poem

2011-05-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

roses are red.
violet is blue.
i am joined to you
with super glue

bollywood movie review : HAUNTED 3D

2011-05-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

The movie can be condensed in a single line:

"If at first you dont succeed, be killed by the girl, become a evil spirit and rape her for 80 years.

Rachel,Monica and Pheebs and Playboy.

2011-05-08T01:00:00.001-07:00

Can you guess which episode is this ?
{and season too?}

BAD PIT AND TROY AND AEROPLANES

2011-05-08T00:58:00.001-07:00

Funny Picture Graphic Comments

Lara Croft dress up game

2011-05-07T07:56:00.001-07:00

Try this:

http://www.cartoondollemporium.com/laradoll.html

You will hate it.

I thing the idea of 'Un dress game' would be better.

Weird question from Yahho answers : Part 1

2011-05-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

From :
http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110506062022AAXX4lT

Question:

My wife slapped me and punished me?
After sex, I felt so relax so I said the sex was good, you look perfect except that your breast is flat like an airport runway and I said it jokingly, she slapped me and no sex for two weeks and she went crying and sulking and she said your penis ain't that big eithers, and no sex for two weeks as punishment?Isn't that punishment heavy, cruel and extreme?

YOU GOT TO CHECK THE ANSWER.

Reasons not to wish Happy birthday

2011-03-27T00:40:00.000-07:00

1: Everyone else is wishing it. Who will notice that you havent?

2: Its the easiest way to dump someone.

3: Saves mobile phone bill.

'Tees maar kha' review

2011-01-04T05:36:00.000-08:00

Tabayaf ki lut-ti izzat bachana aur Tees maar kha dekhna, dono bekaar hai.

a nun joke

2010-10-22T03:04:00.001-07:00

how do you wish a nun at 12 pm?
a : good after nun.

smiley for gay people

2010-10-22T02:18:00.001-07:00

B-(

some new smileys

2010-10-19T21:50:00.001-07:00

-_-

-,-

;-)

'-'

<(-,-)>

¦-p

*_*

¤_¤

£-:)

+_+

Abujug: Similarities between How I Met Your Mother and Friends !

2010-10-11T00:14:00.000-07:00

spongebob squarepants,bikini bottom, gary and barney

2010-09-29T09:41:00.003-07:00

its going to be legend...wait for it...gary.

the truth about barney stinson

2010-09-29T09:34:00.001-07:00

you cant spell barney without bra.

2010-09-29T09:25:00.003-07:00

blondes IQ

2010-09-28T07:28:00.001-07:00

my blonde girlfriend wants to be a detective and she even has a three digit IQ 007.

bragging

2010-09-23T08:12:00.001-07:00

i am the best in the world at what i do. i brag

another one liner you have never heard before

2010-09-20T08:40:00.001-07:00

things are tense with my wife. past tense

a sick joke

2010-09-17T20:09:00.001-07:00

a mr watson came to my fertility clinic.he asked that even after repeated efforts he is not able to have a son. i laughed and said : what son.